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[30 May 2004|09:48pm] |
add my other journal, kids.
so i can stop writing in this one.
its
_worstaccident
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[28 May 2004|05:11pm] |
i want to go see the horrorpops soooo bad tomorrow
too bad i'm broke as fuck.
this really sucks.
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[27 May 2004|02:12pm] |
new journal!
_worstaccident
add it and whatnot.
i think that one will be friends only because i can be a little elitist fuck or something.
yeaa
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| guess who it be! |
[27 May 2004|01:44pm] |
If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.
yea and there's probably more i could say, but i'm not going to.
family session today and yeaaaa.
yesterday was fun.
anmd by the way
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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[26 May 2004|03:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 used |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dresden dolls in my head |
] |
BEHOLD THE WORLD'S WORST ACCIDENT!
i am the girl anachronism.
maybe i can convince my mom to buy me this cd.
maybe i could do alot of things.
i told my case manager my whole little scenario and sobbed and all that crap. anuja AND nalani was there so i had people to talk to.
did i mention that i called alex last night?
yea...
he seems so dettached from everything i say. i have never been honest with anyone as to how i feel about him. and i was last night .. directly to him. i don't even know what i wanted him to say. but i just don't know what he feels. i know it never can or will be the same. i just want some answers.
i think i search for answers to things too much. and it's always to things that are probably better left unknown, or maybe unable to be figured out. maybe it's because i depend on people. i think i should try to learn to depend on myself.
it's
not
the
way
i'm
meant
to
be.
it's just the way the operation made me.
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[26 May 2004|07:39am] |
im really digging the dresden dolls.
who wants to buy their cd for me?
yesterday was a good day for the most part, minus a certain boy.
broken promises cast his shadow, i guess i should've known.
today i'll be at alexian brothers. i guess that's somewhat better than before. i want anuja to be there today but i know that she won't be. fuck man. i can see nalani and we can talk.
i want to see him so we can discuss things. but nonononono. he cannot do that. he needs to "get his shit together."
i've never felt more used in my entire life.
fuck this loverelationshipcrapbullshit.
i'm through.
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[25 May 2004|02:23pm] |
| [ |
music |
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cheap trick record - bratmobile |
] |
so yes. i left school at 9 with megan.
i turned on my phone to a hear i had a new voice mail.
it was from him of "desceptacon" and "double dare ya."
he's a doll but confuses me.
megan and i watched fear and loathing in las vegas.
she went to school at 1, i went home.
fuck work today, i'm not going.
i need to talk to you.
don't write a song about it, just give me back my cheap trick record!
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| i'm in love with all my lovers |
[25 May 2004|08:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bratmobile lyrics in my head and now journal |
] |
Even though I was here in August I will never you well again
Time is priceless and being wasted and taken for granted, I should've known
Someone told me to be strong, but look at me, how can I be
Of any use to anyone? I am silent and scared and in the way
I needed you to tell me what to do but this time you were not in charge
The right thing lies within your eyes, so maybe I'll start tomorrow...
I don't want to forget you
But it's painful to remember
You told me that you want to die
But that you didn't know how
I saw you in so much pain, I had no idea how to relieve it
You were strong and I was wrong, it's so hard to see you fall
Every moment that I'm not with you is a torture more than I can bear
Every morning I wake to miss you and every night despair
I told you I would let you go
I want you to come back to me
I didn't think it would end like this
I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE YOU.
I know it it's not my fault
I know that it's not yours either
I can't eat and I can't sleepp
No one comes over anymore...
Throwing up all day and night, I am giving up on everything
If they only knew what I've been through, they would know that it broke my heart.
( it's common (but we don't talk about it) )
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[25 May 2004|07:22am] |
somebody get me out of here
tearin at myself
nobody gives a damn about me
or anybody.... else.
i'm thinking of just leaving school at 12:20.
fuck seminar. and fuck this place. and FUCK YOU.
when you tell someone you'll call after what you told me .. you call. we needed to talk, i don't know what to feel. how to think. what to say. i just feel used and abandoned.
I TOOK CARE OF YOU ALL FUCKING NIGHT.
and this is how you repay me.
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[24 May 2004|05:09pm] |
i asked if you'd regret it.
you said no.
you can't take things back.
but i wish i could.
you make me feel like such shit.
and i hope you know that.
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[24 May 2004|04:10pm] |
so starting next week, until the end of the school year, i'll be going to alexian brothers for only one day a week.
i never thought i'd say this, but i'm not sure if i'm ready to leave.
nalani had a horrible weekend and i feel terrible for not calling her back on saturday.
i also feel shitty with my whole joey situation - if it's even a situation at all.
who knows.
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[24 May 2004|07:30am] |
happy birthday to miss katie jo.
i love you tremendously and yes.
we shall have our island one day ..... i love you.
i'm so tired right now. there's bags under my eyes and i can barely stay awake. i feel like hanging out with people today. maybe joey will call. probably not. i hate that he's discharged and it's all my fault.. well,not neccessarily. he wouldn't go vegetarian and he's vegan and those idiots don't "support" veganism there. ughhhhhhhhhhh.
there's too much going on inside my head.
i want to take a vacation from myself.
anyone want to switch places?
oh yeah - mikey megan and erock - tell me when you guys figure out about thursday.
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| fill this out, eh? |
[23 May 2004|10:24pm] |
What Would You Do If...?
I cried:
I asked you to help:
I died from natural causes:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got in a fight and you were there:
I got dumped:
I pissed you off:
What Do You Think Of My...?
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Voice:
Humor:
Choice of music:
Manerisms:
Family:
Body:
Friends:
Decisions:
Would You...?
Be my friend:
Tell me the truth no matter what:
Lie to make me feel better:
Spread rumors about me:
Keep a secret if I told you one:
Loan me some cash:
Hold my hand:
Keep in touch:
Try and solve my problems:
Love me:
Have Sex with me:
Ditch me:
Use me:
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[23 May 2004|03:17pm] |
last night i got pretty drunk.. but not as drunk as joey and i wound up taking care of him most of the night.
i feel bad about some things and i dont feel like talking about them.
but yes. i <3 beer.
and brandy is quite nice too.
i need to go get some cigarettes and all that jazz.
what more is there to say?
i don't know.
oh yea, 150mg of zoloft and drinking about 10 shots of brandy and 2 beers .. don't mix.
learn from joeys mistakes.
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[22 May 2004|05:00pm] |
| [ |
music |
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bratmobile :-) |
] |
who's gonna kick your ass?
i think it's a grrrl!
by the way, im wearing a shirt with scotts face on it. ooo damn.
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[22 May 2004|02:41pm] |
so yes, last night was pretty fun.
hung out with megan megan alexz erock john mikey adam and zak.
went to katrinas party.
drank a little, had a little fun. you know the drill.
then some shit happened.
erock john and i went to dennys
then i went home.
el fin.
another party tonight. woo
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[20 May 2004|08:14am] |
broken hearts should be received in the mailbox with little booklets.
how-to guides.
maybe they could come every day except sunday, to give myself a break
despised postmen send suicide rates soaring nationwide
i'm not quite sure if it would help any
scratch out the return adress
i wonder how small my envelope would be?
my whole body could fit beneath your fingernail -
its fallen apart to dust
my heart must be microscopic
yet the small fragment controls so much
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[20 May 2004|08:09am] |
the time is going by slowly.
yesterday was awful, but i got alot off my chest in process group.
joey and i had the most fun together that we've had in a while,
which surprises me considering what happened.
i think i might hang out with nalani today. that would be amazing.
call if anyone else wants to.
i've written alot lately. and i want to post it. yet i realize i tend to plaster my heart on billboards, or so it seems. i do not mean to broadcast my feelings, rather just get them out of me.
i think you want everything outta me.
push the walls open, i wanna see my memories bleed
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| bright eyes is amazing. |
[18 May 2004|04:35pm] |
no beauty could ever come from me.
i'm a waste.
of breath.
of space.
of time.
i hate school. alot.
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[16 May 2004|03:25pm] |
well, i havent updated much lately.
saturday was nothing.
friday was an amazing night with joey.
i shall see him tonight when he gets off of work.
i'm so boredtiredrestless. i cant explain it.
scott - the bright eyes cd you burned me is working now.
yesyes
i think i go to school for two days next week...
i dont want to.
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her_candy_flesh's journal